Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
