Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
