Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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