Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
