I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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