I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
