I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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