Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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