thus making me awesome and them whores
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
