You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize