Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
