I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
