so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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