you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
