When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
