Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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