Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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