I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
