thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
