Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
