I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
