found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
