Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Boobs speak an international language.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
