I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
That's how pantless uber rides happen
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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