Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
