she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
