so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
