just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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