ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
