It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
