oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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