I could have mohawked her pubes.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
