Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i drank out of a bidet.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
