Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
