fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I cannot find my penis.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
