her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
