I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
