genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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