Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
