if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
