Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's official drugs can't kill me
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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