We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
