and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
