That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize