i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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