We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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