Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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