Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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