i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
