She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
