she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
