Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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