I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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