Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
