the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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