guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
