Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
