yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
