I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
