like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize