I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
