i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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