i permit you to call me
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I can't put those talents on a resume
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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