The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
