True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
