my soul wont recognize me after tonight
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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