I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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