When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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