you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
