I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
