yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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