I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
