i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
