Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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