There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
