At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How does it feel to date your dad?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
