a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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