I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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