Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
