i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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